Dear friend,
Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.
I keep thinking about a night last spring when I could not sleep because of a decision that was still months out. Nothing had even happened yet. I lay there running scenarios like I was auditioning for a disaster movie, all lead roles played by me. My husband finally asked if I was going to war in the morning. I said no. It felt like I already was.
That is the thing about being afraid of what is next. It does not wait for the next to arrive. It moves in early and rearranges the furniture like it is staying awhile.
I have been sitting with Isaiah 41:10 this week, the part where God tells someone not to be dismayed, and I noticed dismayed is such an old, specific word. Not just afraid. Something closer to scattered, like pieces going in different directions at once. That is what fear of the future does to me. It scatters me across days that have not happened.
I am not going to tell you what is coming for you is fine. I do not know that. What is it doing to your body right now, tonight, before anything has even arrived?
A prayer
God, she is scattered tonight over what has not even happened yet. Gather the pieces of her back into today. Steady the parts of her that keep racing ahead. Amen.