Dear friend,
“Which of you by being anxious, can add one moment to his lifespan?
Last night I did the math three times like it would change on the third try. It did not. Same number, same gap, same tight feeling in my chest at eleven p.m. with the calculator app still open. Ben found me still holding my phone like it owed me an apology.
This week we have been sitting with how money worry shows up, and today I keep thinking about how it is never really about the number. It is about what the number seems to say about whether we are safe. I had Matthew 6 open, the part about not being able to add a single hour to your life by worrying. It is such a plain, almost blunt observation. Worry does not stretch anything. It just sits in the body and takes up room the actual solving needs.
I am not saying stop worrying like it is a switch. I could not do that either. But I wonder what it would look like to let the worry be loud without letting it drive tonight. What is the one bill or number that keeps circling back at you the most?
A prayer
God, You know the exact number keeping her up tonight. Steady what worry cannot fix, and give her one honest breath of rest before morning. Amen.