Dear friend,
She said, “As the LORD your God lives, I don’t have anything baked, but only a handful of meal in a jar and a little oil in a jar. Behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and bake it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.” Elijah said to her, “Don’t be afraid. Go and do as you have said; but make me a little cake from it first, and bring it out to me, and afterward make some for you and for your son.
I did the math on our budget three times last night, like the fourth time would give me a different answer. It never does. There was a stretch after we got married where I hid a credit card bill from myself for two weeks by not opening the app. Not proud of that. Fear makes me either obsessive or ostrich, no in between.
I keep thinking about the widow in 1 Kings, the one gathering sticks to make one last meal for herself and her son before the food ran out. She says it plainly, enough for one meal, then we die. That is not a woman with a plan B. Elijah asks her to make him something first, from almost nothing, and what gets me is she does not have a guarantee before she moves, just a word she decides to act on anyway. I do not think that erases what it costs her to say yes with an empty jar in her hands.
Worried about money the way you are, I do not think the fear is the failure part. What is one thing right now that feels like your version of the last handful of flour?
A prayer
God, the numbers feel thin and she is tired of counting them. Meet her the way You met that woman with almost nothing left, and steady her hands tonight. Amen.