Dear friend,
Then Joseph couldn’t control himself before all those who stood before him, and he called out, “Cause everyone to go out from me!” No one else stood with him, while Joseph made himself known to his brothers. He wept aloud. The Egyptians heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard. Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Does my father still live?” His brothers couldn’t answer him; for they were terrified at his presence. Joseph said to his brothers, “Come near to me, please.” They came near. He said, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into Egypt.
I keep thinking about how working through forgiveness shows up long before a person feels finished with it, and how strange that is to sit with. You do not wake up one morning having arrived at it the way you arrive at a decision about paint colors. It sits in the body differently on Tuesday than it did on Monday, and neither day means you failed at it.
In Genesis 45:1-4, Joseph does not wait until he has processed everything before he speaks to his brothers. He weeps loudly enough that the Egyptians hear him through the walls, and then he tells them who he is. The text does not say his anger was gone. It says he could no longer hold himself in front of them. I notice that. It suggests the moment did not require resolution first.
I am not going to tell you what to do with what you are carrying. I only want to name it plainly, because most people rush past that part to get to the part where everything is settled. What would it mean to let this stay unfinished for a while longer without deciding that means something has gone wrong?
A prayer
God, You know exactly what she is carrying and how long it has taken. Meet her in the unfinished middle of this, not only at the end she is waiting for. Amen.